The not so joyous side of pregnancy

As the pregnancy progresses I'm getting more and more of the symptoms that no one warns you about. So far I've suffered with:

• leaking wee, that's really charming
• lots of gas.... LOTS of gas
• constipation
• boulder boobs
• milky boobs
• skin tags, always in the weirdest places
• waxy ears
• and my personal favourite - piles or haemmoroids (I prefer the term piles because it's so much easier to spell).

Ah, my old friend piles. I wrote about my piles extensively when I was pregnant with Toby and I'm not at all surprised that they've come back again. In fact, I must admit that they are one of the reasons I'm so keen on a C-section. With Tobes I never even made it to the pushing stage of labour but my piles were still outrageous. I can't imagine what it would be like if I actually had to try to push a baby out. I have this image of the midwife saying 'Oh! You're baby has arrived... no, wait a minute... that's just your lower intestine.'

It really is appalling. It was bad enough the first time around but this time I swear my piles have piles. The worst thing is that I'm such a big baby when it comes to buying the necessary medicine to make my life easier. In England they usually keep the Anusol behind the counter so you actually have to go and talk to someone about the state of your bottom before you're given the magic cream. It's bad enough buying the stuff. I always imagine the cashier looking at my rear as I walk out of the shop to see if she can see any telltale bulges. The indignity of actually discussing the problem in a public space with other people around is just agony.

When I was pregnant with Toby J would buy my Anusol for me but it seems that my Pregnancy Card has worn a bit thin the second time around. It looks like I'm going to have to do the deed myself. Geez, I'm blushing just at the thought of it. I have decided that I'm only going to do this once so I better stock up. I'm thinking three tubes of Anusol, maybe some suppositories and some Germaloids just to keep it interesting. I'll have to drive out to another part of town because I won't be able to enter that chemist again. The shame, oh the shame.